14 Nov Can We Change? YES!
“Everything having to do with human training and education has to be re-examined in light of neuroplasticity.”
Norman Doidge
📚 Learn
Neuroplasticity! 🧠 What is it?
Neuroplasticity, also known as neural plasticity or brain plasticity, is a process that involves adaptive structural and functional changes to the brain (source: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK557811/).
Simply put, Neuroplasticity is the scientific term describing our brain and body’s innate ability to change. People have sometimes asked me, “Do you do that neuroplasticity thing?” To which I reply, “Well, good news, you don’t have to worry about learning how to do it because you see it is a natural process that’s always at work. What you want to do is learn how to intervene and get involved in the change that’s already occurring. That’s what I can help with!”
💡 Insights
While our individual stories may be different, the way we metabolize experiences and the perspectives that follow, share much in common. That being said, my clients and I can often relate to each other on many levels.
This past week, one of the themes my clients and I have been unpacking is: why we do the things we do? At first, this would seem like an inquiry we must all consistently practice, right? 🧐 Well, it might be of some surprise that for many us the why remains confusing, elusive, or altogether unknown.
To illustrate my point, many people may self-medicate/cope by drinking alcohol, using drugs, wasting countless hours doom-scrolling, and/or working extra hours because they want to avoid confronting the pattern of consistently arguing with their partner. That would likely lead most of us to believe that focusing on the argument and/or the partner would make the most sense. Addressing the nature of the argument and the partner’s perspective certainly merits some exploration; AND, for us to fully understand and change this recurring pattern, we’ll want to gather the insights that are more deeply connected to the unasked, unexplored, and unanswered events and experiences of our past. This is where the real why lies.
🙌🏾 Victories
Spontaneous Realizations
On multiple occasions in the recent week, a client shares they uttered 3 words they’ve never said before: “I AM BRILLIANT!” This client has never worked through the unfathomable amount of trauma they’ve experienced, and in about 6 weeks of deep and honest work they’re experiencing what I call spontaneous realizations that they are－worthy, good enough, and yes－brilliant (especially to have survived in light of everything they endured).
Men’s Mental Health
In 2018 I came across data that showed suicide was continuing to climb. This article Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States shows data published in 2021, and it confirms that rates were at historical highs in 2018 (albeit they appear to have decreased in 2019 and 2020 and then spiked back up to a new historical high in 2021). In some cases suicide was noted as the 2nd or 3rd leading cause of death among ages 10-34. Historically, that data shows that men have higher rates than women. During this time, 80%, if not more, of the clients I was working with were female. While I’m sure there were men seeking help, it seemed painfully obvious that we were nowhere near where we wanted to be. Well, I shifted, and prayed that more men would show up and begin working on themselves. Now, only 6 years later, I am very excited to share that more than 60% of the clients I see today are men! We have plenty of work ahead of us, AND it feels like we may be on a new and exciting path!
😃 Enjoying
Here’s a podcast that I’ve been really enjoying!
#471 8 Hidden Habits To Live Your Healthiest, Happiest and Most Fulfilled Life with Robin Sharma
Here are a few of my favorite takeaways:
“Everyone’s where they’re at, learning where they need to go. People are doing the best they can do based on the level of consciousness they’re at. [Learn how to] love them from afar.” [This is about acceptance and healthy boundaries… a topic that comes up regularly when working with others.]
“Let me go to the next event.Let me sign up for the next digital course. Let me read the next book without taking great information and then executing on it and making it automatic and a part of your way of being. I think often what we do is we pick up these escapes to avoid dealing with our wounds and our limitations and looking in the mirror. And self-help can be an addiction that causes us to avoid dealing with reality.’ [I share a similar perspective. Self-help itself, like so many things, can lead us to unknowingly reject life from teaching us what it wants to teach us.]
“And maybe if you don’t believe in God, I believe prayers are heard by your subconscious mind.” [One of the things I educate my clients on is this — what we’re saying out loud or internally, seems to often be targeted to the other person/subject, and truth is this we are always unknowingly saying this to ourselves.]
I trust you found some value in this month’s Newsletter! If you have any feedback, please reply as I would love to hear it!
For all of your personal and relationship growth and development desires, I am here!
Much love 🙏🏼,
Ryan